7 posts tagged “mothering”

1.  Get haircut to prevent looking like sonic the hedgehog any longer.  (DONE!)
2.  Go to work and realize just how far behind I am since missing over a week because both of my kids and myself had the flu.  (DONE!)
3.  Reschedule counseling because I need to catch up some at work.  (DONE!)
4.  Start preparing for trip to the beach.  (Still in progress.)
5.  Apply to colleges that I want to attend and hope that they will accept me.  (Yeah, still working on that.)
6.  Have a house that smells like fecal matter because my son stuffed a formula one matchbox car down the upstairs toilet, which resulted in having to rip out the wall and the plumbing in the downstairs laundry room to dislodge said car.  (DONE!)
7.  Have brand new porcelain tile in downstairs bathroom covered in black water, which will mean bleaching the hell out of it tonight and having the tile installer come back tomorrow to check the damage instead of grouting the tile tonight.  (DONE!)
8.  Laugh to keep from crying.  (DONE!) 
9.  Attempt to keep Bug from sticking her hand down my shirt as some sort of delayed reaction to being weaned under emergency circumstances a month ago.  (Still working on that!)
10.  Realize that there are positive aspects to all of this even though I have to look for them.  (DONE!)

Monday's list:

Revised list from Sunday:

1.  Realize that sorting through my dead mother's belongings may be harder than I thought.  Be proud of progress made so far.  Stop for a little while.
2.  Move the furniture?  Yeah, it'll be a while until that happens.
3.  Gloat about 94% grade on macroeconomics midterm.
4.  ALL the laundry?  Still working on it.
5.  Take Bean to the allergist to be poked and prodded.

and not the draft button?  my bad.

Here's my post from Sunday:

List of items to finish around teh house today:

1.  Finish going through mom's clothes and other items in her room.  It shouldn't look like she just left for hospice anymore.
2.  Move furniture upstairs to give Bug her own room.
3.  Finish all laundry.
4.  Clean kitchen and mop floor.

I haven't posted because all I feel is a general exhaustion that comes in waves. 

I fucking hate time changes!!  Between Bean's 104.5 degree fever last night, Bug's new canines, and the time change, we all got somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 hours of sleep last night!!  I was useless until I could crawl back into bed for a few hours.  The kids varied at a level somewhere between hellspawn and a whiny kid in ToysRHell all day.  We are fabulous parents though, check it . . . we fed them dinner early, bathed them, and put them down "early", although I can't fucking tell what goddamn time it is right now so I'm not a good judge of this, to try to make up for their sleep deprivation.  Bean is still sound asleep.  Bug woke up about 30 minutes ago and decided that this must have been her nap.  Oy.

School is varying between making me batshit crazy and tolerable.  I'm learning a lot and I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I know I'm blessed and all that to even be going to school, but really?  A book assignment for every class?  Every day?  Not necessary, really and truly.

In the "I'm a crap friend" department: I called up a friend and basically begged to go to her house because I had such a bad day.  Then I get home and have to deal with a screaming toddler who wouldn't go to sleep, a 4 year old who decided that he wouldn't sleep in his own bed, and Frog then told me that he was going to a meeting (which of course trumps everything else).  So what did I do?  Did I remember to call me friend during the chaos to explain that I would not be coming over?  Nope.  I laid down with my kids and fell asleep.  At 7:30 p.m.  On a Friday.  I live a life of excitement people.  Oh yes I do.

In other news: Frog informed me over the weekend that he thinks that I'm an alcoholic.  I would say that if you look at when and how I drink you would not find an alcoholic but someone who is dealing with not being able to ever have a drink in her own house, someone who is still stuffing all the grief from her mother's death deep down (which seems to manifest itself in me getting really drunk about once every two months), and who isn't taking proper care of herself so she's letting loose at any point that she's able.  I guess I could be a drunk though, it runs in my family just as strong as in Frog's.  What about not taking other people's inventory though?  Huh?  Anyway, I still don't see anything wrong with getting a slight buzz on, or even getting drunk occasionally.  Just because I have kids doesn't mean that I have to stop having any fun.  Oh well, maybe I'm still taking too much of my self-worth from what he says still.

Working on training our dog Molly.  It's going.  She's a bright dog.  She's also very sweet which is all that's saved her to date.  Jed is still his lovable old self.  Anyone want one mostly outside foster cat ( if you have a garage or shed that she can get her food and water in then she can stay outside forever!) that was supposed to be adopted out of here back in September??  She's not allowed in my house anymore because she's making my mom's old cat lose her hair.  The foster cat is sooooo sweet, but she hates cats.  She gets along great with dogs, go figure.

I sliced into my pinky finger tonight while preparing tilapia for dinner.  It hurt like a bitch.  I had to turn around and make myself be happy to give the kids a bath, do story time, and get them to bed.  I'm more surprise than anyone but faking my way for the first ten minutes actually changed my viewpoint into a happier one!

I'm six writings behind in Lit/History as of this minute, and normally that would send me into a panic attack.  But I'm just looking at the fact that I have read the material, and I've been very busy.  It happens.  And if that's the biggest thing that I haven't done right now then I'm looking really good.

I've only been doing a gratitude journal for a few days now, but it's already been working wonders on my attitude.  It sounds really hokey, and I'm the first to admit that, but I'll be damned if it's not working for me!

I stopped by the 4 year university that I want to attend and I got great news about possible scholarships as well today. 

I went and had the back part, and most scraggly section, of my dreadlocks tightened and interlocked today so I feel very  presentable.  I'm still getting weird long pieces of hair that are miraculously growing outside of the locks.  My hairdresser and I figure it must be hair that was broken off and now that I'm not messing with my hair it's finally able to grow out.  My hair grows so much faster now that it's locked that it's hard to believe.  I'm average between 1 and 2 inches every 2 months now, and before I was lucky to put on 3 inches in a year.  Yes, I said a year, and it's the truth too.

I've had a chance to look at the Jenny Mcar7hy thing on Orpah's show.  If I had money, no school, and the access to what she has, then I'm sure my kid would coming along faster too.  It's just apples and oranges to compare any celebrity kid to an average family's kid.  I know single moms with kids with autism and they have it even worse than dual-parent households, because they have to work full-time, and find time to take their kid(s) to all the appointments, at least the ones covered by insurance, and not lose their jobs while doing it.  Let old bubble boobs try any one of our lives for a week and I can bet you that there wouldn't be any miracles happening any time soon. 

Also, here's my soapbox about this topic:  people with autism are no different than people who have blue, or green, or hazel, or brown eyes.  It's how they are born.  Neurodiversity is what I'm talking about here people.  I don't want to cure autism.  I want to make sure that people who have autism can function healthily in our society.  Sure, I would love to find out if there are environmental causes that can be prevented from causing autism, but that's to save the kids and adults the inevitable heartaches.  I feel the same way about GLBT people.  I wouldn't change one of them, because that's how they are made, but my heart breaks at the sorrows that many of them face merely because they were born into a minority. 

I want true equality.  Not equality meted out in tiny morsels by the patriarchy.  I want true acceptance of all people.  I'm not idealistic enough to think this will happen but, like a kid at their birthday, I can sure hope that I get the present I want.

I miss my mom.  I miss her a lot.  Despite her faults, she was my mom, and she had great aspects to her personality as well.  I love her.  I thought it was supposed to get easier as time passed, but it's been over 7 months since she died, and it's not easier.  I really want her back.  I know that's futile.  It doesn't stop the wanting though.

I'm finally back in school and just trying to get the hang of doing this with two small children who also need to get off to school.  We've all survived my first week but I feel like I need to improve it.  I will, it'll just take some time.

My mom came to me in a dream on Friday night.  I wish I could remember what she said to me but all I know is I was happy all day.  It was my mom from before she had cancer and I think she was telling me how happy she was that my life is improving and I'm getting happier.  That could just be me putting words in her mouth though.  Whatever she said to me, I still can't believe how peaceful and happy I felt all day Saturday.  I could think of her, and miss her, but I felt like she was with me all day.  So very supernatural right?  Well, believe me or don't, that's how it felt.  It was really nice.  I do still miss her.  I suppose that will never go away.