12 posts tagged “kids”

I think one should not have to work up the nerve to go to church.  I'm going to ask to be taken off the nursery schedule after my shift today.  I have only gone to the current church that we attend on the days that I am scheduled ever since the service before Easter.  They should a montage of clips from the Pass1on of the Chr1st and it made me sick to my stomach.  I didn't see that movie when it came out for a reason.  I've almost always had a rough relationship with Christianity, but between my theology studies this past year and the stance that this church takes, I can't conceive of going there any longer.  I know that Frog will be upset, so I'll just add it to the laundry list of what I do (or don't do) that he dislikes, but I can't keep going someplace where I am uncomfortable.  I have no real problem with Frog and the kids attending, but I would probably be happier if the kids didn't get indoctrinated at this young age.  Compromise is the seat of marriage though so I'll suck it up.

Speaking of marriage, I believe that sometimes there are off years in a marriage.  I do not believe that marriage can be all butterflies and rose petals every single minute.  Maybe this is just because I'm not feeling that way now, but I think a little slack must be given to imperfect beings who have made a choice to stay together.  I just don't have anything left to give right now.  I am emotionally and physically exhausted from all of the events of the past 3 years. 

I have a summer break, with the kids, from school and I plan on puttering around the house, trying to get Bean ready for kindergarten, and giving Bug more personalized attention.  I also plan on getting comfortable riding my new Virago and possibly taking a ride later in the summer with some new biker friends.  I was supposed to bring my family to the 50th wedding anniversary of my paternal grandparents at the end of June.  I decided that it wasn't going to do anything except stress me out, and with the help of a family member who I adore, I realized that if I had knots in my stomach NOW about it then it probably wasn't going to get better by the time the trip rolled around.  Instead, Frog is going to a race in MD with some of his family next weekend, and I will travel out to Denver sometime in June or July to spend a few days with my family out there.  The mere idea of that trip makes me smile and want to start giggling!  I'm too tired to give what I don't have anymore.

In other news, I did graduate with my Associates degree this past month and I did it with a 4.0!  So add that to turning thirty this year and it's been a sort of big year.   If I could just lose the rest of my weight I would be pretty ecstatic.  As it is, I am very proud of myself and looking forward to the time away from school this summer.  I got accepted at the school I applied to so come this fall I will be a tiger! 

What I have done today to prepare for leaving tomorrow for the beach:

1.  Gone to work on no sleep.  Only made it to a late January deposit.  *Sigh*  I love my job, but lately I feel very incompetent.  I'm going to blame the weird weather, oh, and the flu.  Definitely blaming the flu.
2.  Cleaned my kitchen, dining room, the kids room (Including chasing out the dust mammoths under the beds, and rearranging the bookshelf so that the short ones would not get pummeled by books when they attempted to retrieve whatever favorite book was at the bottom of the horizontal pile.  *Sigh*) and our bedroom.
3.  Folded and hung all laundry that had been residing in baskets in our room.
4.  Started a load of laundry that is 92% ALL MY CLOTHES!!  I have no idea when the last time this ratio was achieved, but I know it's been a while because I don't own very many clothes.  (As my poor friends can attest because they see my sorry ass in the same shirts and jeans ALL THE DAMN TIME.  They put up with me though because I am cheap and until I lose the rest of my weight I'm not buying a bunch of damn clothes.  [For those of you keeping score at home I have lost more than 50 pounds since June of 07.  I have thirty odd pounds left to lose.  These will undoubtedly be the hardest to lose.]  My friends really love me.  This most likely means that they are all crazy too.)
5.  Realized that I am apparently in a caps mood.
6.  Found my luggage for the trip tomorrow.
7.  Tried on shorts for the first time in years and realize that out of 4 pairs that I own two of them no longer agree with the idea of staying up on my hips and are instead following gravity's sweet song to the ground.  While I am happy about this type of clothing problem, it was potentially problematic until . . .
8.  I checked the weather at the beach that I will be staying at:  Sunny until I arrive, then cold accompanied by thunderstorms until the day I leave, of course, when it will be warm and sunny again.  Happy 30th birthday to me!  Sort of fitting for this year I suppose; driving home out of gorgeous weather on the Gulf of Mexico to come home to poop.

What I have not done to prepare for leaving tomorrow for the beach:

1.  Pack.
2.  Cleaned my office.
3.  Any of the massive amounts of homework that were assigned to me over spring break; including my research paper on the creation of the Nation of Islam along with its rise (and its possible fall?  I have no idea yet.  The paper is due Monday and I haven't even begun.  Yay for procrastination!!) in American politics.
4.  Gone grocery shopping.  Poor Frog will have to brave the grocery with both kids by himself.  Think happy thoughts for him please.

1.  Get haircut to prevent looking like sonic the hedgehog any longer.  (DONE!)
2.  Go to work and realize just how far behind I am since missing over a week because both of my kids and myself had the flu.  (DONE!)
3.  Reschedule counseling because I need to catch up some at work.  (DONE!)
4.  Start preparing for trip to the beach.  (Still in progress.)
5.  Apply to colleges that I want to attend and hope that they will accept me.  (Yeah, still working on that.)
6.  Have a house that smells like fecal matter because my son stuffed a formula one matchbox car down the upstairs toilet, which resulted in having to rip out the wall and the plumbing in the downstairs laundry room to dislodge said car.  (DONE!)
7.  Have brand new porcelain tile in downstairs bathroom covered in black water, which will mean bleaching the hell out of it tonight and having the tile installer come back tomorrow to check the damage instead of grouting the tile tonight.  (DONE!)
8.  Laugh to keep from crying.  (DONE!) 
9.  Attempt to keep Bug from sticking her hand down my shirt as some sort of delayed reaction to being weaned under emergency circumstances a month ago.  (Still working on that!)
10.  Realize that there are positive aspects to all of this even though I have to look for them.  (DONE!)

Monday's list:

Revised list from Sunday:

1.  Realize that sorting through my dead mother's belongings may be harder than I thought.  Be proud of progress made so far.  Stop for a little while.
2.  Move the furniture?  Yeah, it'll be a while until that happens.
3.  Gloat about 94% grade on macroeconomics midterm.
4.  ALL the laundry?  Still working on it.
5.  Take Bean to the allergist to be poked and prodded.

and not the draft button?  my bad.

Here's my post from Sunday:

List of items to finish around teh house today:

1.  Finish going through mom's clothes and other items in her room.  It shouldn't look like she just left for hospice anymore.
2.  Move furniture upstairs to give Bug her own room.
3.  Finish all laundry.
4.  Clean kitchen and mop floor.

List of Items I saw at ChuckEHell tonight:

1.  Smushed cupcakes. (not mine)
2.  Children stealing smaller kids tickets out of the machines.
3.  A very kind lady who retrieved my runaway 2 year old.  (Holy crap I can't believe that Bug turned two today!!)
4.  Some stressed parents, along with some totally oblivious parents.
5.  A meltdown by Bean.  (This was helped by the fact that he got up at 4:30 am, wouldn't take a nap today, and it was 8:30 before I could bodily remove him from the premises.  He was asleep 10 minutes after we left.)
6.  A two year old so hopped up on chocolate cake that she giggled about throwing her baby doll into the floorboard, repeatedly, all the way home.
7.  A sixteen year old having a party consisting of no less than 20 of her friends at aforementioned ChuckEHell.
8.  A husband who disappeared (albeit for a good reason) an hour before the party was over.
9.  Really good friends who trucked out just to keep me and my kids company at said party.
10.  Way too many people in one space with all the lights, and noise.

I sliced into my pinky finger tonight while preparing tilapia for dinner.  It hurt like a bitch.  I had to turn around and make myself be happy to give the kids a bath, do story time, and get them to bed.  I'm more surprise than anyone but faking my way for the first ten minutes actually changed my viewpoint into a happier one!

I'm six writings behind in Lit/History as of this minute, and normally that would send me into a panic attack.  But I'm just looking at the fact that I have read the material, and I've been very busy.  It happens.  And if that's the biggest thing that I haven't done right now then I'm looking really good.

I've only been doing a gratitude journal for a few days now, but it's already been working wonders on my attitude.  It sounds really hokey, and I'm the first to admit that, but I'll be damned if it's not working for me!

I stopped by the 4 year university that I want to attend and I got great news about possible scholarships as well today. 

I went and had the back part, and most scraggly section, of my dreadlocks tightened and interlocked today so I feel very  presentable.  I'm still getting weird long pieces of hair that are miraculously growing outside of the locks.  My hairdresser and I figure it must be hair that was broken off and now that I'm not messing with my hair it's finally able to grow out.  My hair grows so much faster now that it's locked that it's hard to believe.  I'm average between 1 and 2 inches every 2 months now, and before I was lucky to put on 3 inches in a year.  Yes, I said a year, and it's the truth too.

I've had a chance to look at the Jenny Mcar7hy thing on Orpah's show.  If I had money, no school, and the access to what she has, then I'm sure my kid would coming along faster too.  It's just apples and oranges to compare any celebrity kid to an average family's kid.  I know single moms with kids with autism and they have it even worse than dual-parent households, because they have to work full-time, and find time to take their kid(s) to all the appointments, at least the ones covered by insurance, and not lose their jobs while doing it.  Let old bubble boobs try any one of our lives for a week and I can bet you that there wouldn't be any miracles happening any time soon. 

Also, here's my soapbox about this topic:  people with autism are no different than people who have blue, or green, or hazel, or brown eyes.  It's how they are born.  Neurodiversity is what I'm talking about here people.  I don't want to cure autism.  I want to make sure that people who have autism can function healthily in our society.  Sure, I would love to find out if there are environmental causes that can be prevented from causing autism, but that's to save the kids and adults the inevitable heartaches.  I feel the same way about GLBT people.  I wouldn't change one of them, because that's how they are made, but my heart breaks at the sorrows that many of them face merely because they were born into a minority. 

I want true equality.  Not equality meted out in tiny morsels by the patriarchy.  I want true acceptance of all people.  I'm not idealistic enough to think this will happen but, like a kid at their birthday, I can sure hope that I get the present I want.

Shingles on a biscuit, I fucked up today.  I was so busy fixing router and network problems at Frog's office that I forgot to take Bean to his dental appointment!  They even called, albeit two days ago, to remind me, so in the name of personal responsibility I have to suck up the blame.  Then Frog and I forgot that the father-daughter luncheon at Bug's school was today.  What is wrong with us?  I am beginning to think that sheer exhaustion is a big factor in my latest series of screw-ups.  In fact, I'm so tired that I don't even want to do my homework.  That's not too unusual in and of itself, but that fact that I'm actually contemplating not doing it is strange for me.  Normally just the thought of not being prepared breaks me out in hives, but I'm just so damn tired that it's hard to give a shit.  Really, really, hard to care about Thomas Paine or my English comp paper.  I also missed geography class, again, today because of the problems at Frog's office.  I'm not too worried, but again I think it's just because my brain cannot process the normal anxiety that I experience.  I need a sick day from life.  Maybe two.  

I know that I lived a charmed life.  I really do know that but sometimes it's very hard for me to see the forest for the trees.  I am able to attend college.  I am able to have a house.  I have two very smart, very funny kids.  I have a sober husband.  I have the best friends a woman could ask for in life.  I have two dogs who love me no matter what, and a cat who thinks that I'm really cool when I feed her. 

I have a neighbor playing the fiddle in a perfect temperature evening while I sit on my porch.  That's pretty fucking cool actually!  Wow, they're pretty good.  We live in a weird spot acoustically so I don't know which specific house it's coming from but I keep clapping after each song in hopes that they will hear me.

Back to what I was doing.  See, I know all those things, but on days like today I can't seem to get out of my rut of negative thinking.  I need to keep reading the top part to myself while I listen to my fiddle playing neighbor.