2 posts tagged “grief”

Monday's list:

Revised list from Sunday:

1.  Realize that sorting through my dead mother's belongings may be harder than I thought.  Be proud of progress made so far.  Stop for a little while.
2.  Move the furniture?  Yeah, it'll be a while until that happens.
3.  Gloat about 94% grade on macroeconomics midterm.
4.  ALL the laundry?  Still working on it.
5.  Take Bean to the allergist to be poked and prodded.

I haven't posted because all I feel is a general exhaustion that comes in waves. 

I fucking hate time changes!!  Between Bean's 104.5 degree fever last night, Bug's new canines, and the time change, we all got somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 hours of sleep last night!!  I was useless until I could crawl back into bed for a few hours.  The kids varied at a level somewhere between hellspawn and a whiny kid in ToysRHell all day.  We are fabulous parents though, check it . . . we fed them dinner early, bathed them, and put them down "early", although I can't fucking tell what goddamn time it is right now so I'm not a good judge of this, to try to make up for their sleep deprivation.  Bean is still sound asleep.  Bug woke up about 30 minutes ago and decided that this must have been her nap.  Oy.

School is varying between making me batshit crazy and tolerable.  I'm learning a lot and I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I know I'm blessed and all that to even be going to school, but really?  A book assignment for every class?  Every day?  Not necessary, really and truly.

In the "I'm a crap friend" department: I called up a friend and basically begged to go to her house because I had such a bad day.  Then I get home and have to deal with a screaming toddler who wouldn't go to sleep, a 4 year old who decided that he wouldn't sleep in his own bed, and Frog then told me that he was going to a meeting (which of course trumps everything else).  So what did I do?  Did I remember to call me friend during the chaos to explain that I would not be coming over?  Nope.  I laid down with my kids and fell asleep.  At 7:30 p.m.  On a Friday.  I live a life of excitement people.  Oh yes I do.

In other news: Frog informed me over the weekend that he thinks that I'm an alcoholic.  I would say that if you look at when and how I drink you would not find an alcoholic but someone who is dealing with not being able to ever have a drink in her own house, someone who is still stuffing all the grief from her mother's death deep down (which seems to manifest itself in me getting really drunk about once every two months), and who isn't taking proper care of herself so she's letting loose at any point that she's able.  I guess I could be a drunk though, it runs in my family just as strong as in Frog's.  What about not taking other people's inventory though?  Huh?  Anyway, I still don't see anything wrong with getting a slight buzz on, or even getting drunk occasionally.  Just because I have kids doesn't mean that I have to stop having any fun.  Oh well, maybe I'm still taking too much of my self-worth from what he says still.

Working on training our dog Molly.  It's going.  She's a bright dog.  She's also very sweet which is all that's saved her to date.  Jed is still his lovable old self.  Anyone want one mostly outside foster cat ( if you have a garage or shed that she can get her food and water in then she can stay outside forever!) that was supposed to be adopted out of here back in September??  She's not allowed in my house anymore because she's making my mom's old cat lose her hair.  The foster cat is sooooo sweet, but she hates cats.  She gets along great with dogs, go figure.