knotty grrl’s minute details

Force.

nobody@vox.com(Sabrina) — Sun, 25 May 2008 06:51:45 -0700

I think one should not have to work up the nerve to go to church. I'm going to ask to be taken off the nursery schedule after my shift today. I have only gone to the current church that we attend on the days that I am scheduled ever since the service before Easter. They should a montage of clips from the Pass1on of the Chr1st and it made me sick to my stomach. I didn't see that movie when it came out for a reason. I've almost always had a rough relationship with Christianity, but between my theology studies this past year and the stance that this church takes, I can't conceive of going there any longer. I know that Frog will be upset, so I'll just add it to the laundry list of what I do (or don't do) that he dislikes, but I can't keep going someplace where I am uncomfortable. I have no real problem with Frog and the kids attending, but I would probably be happier if the kids didn't get indoctrinated at this young age. Compromise is the seat of marriage though so I'll suck it up.

Speaking of marriage, I believe that sometimes there are off years in a marriage. I do not believe that marriage can be all butterflies and rose petals every single minute. Maybe this is just because I'm not feeling that way now, but I think a little slack must be given to imperfect beings who have made a choice to stay together. I just don't have anything left to give right now. I am emotionally and physically exhausted from all of the events of the past 3 years.

I have a summer break, with the kids, from school and I plan on puttering around the house, trying to get Bean ready for kindergarten, and giving Bug more personalized attention. I also plan on getting comfortable riding my new Virago and possibly taking a ride later in the summer with some new biker friends. I was supposed to bring my family to the 50th wedding anniversary of my paternal grandparents at the end of June. I decided that it wasn't going to do anything except stress me out, and with the help of a family member who I adore, I realized that if I had knots in my stomach NOW about it then it probably wasn't going to get better by the time the trip rolled around. Instead, Frog is going to a race in MD with some of his family next weekend, and I will travel out to Denver sometime in June or July to spend a few days with my family out there. The mere idea of that trip makes me smile and want to start giggling! I'm too tired to give what I don't have anymore.

In other news, I did graduate with my Associates degree this past month and I did it with a 4.0! So add that to turning thirty this year and it's been a sort of big year. If I could just lose the rest of my weight I would be pretty ecstatic. As it is, I am very proud of myself and looking forward to the time away from school this summer. I got accepted at the school I applied to so come this fall I will be a tiger!

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The trouble with road trips . . .

nobody@vox.com(Sabrina) — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 09:58:05 -0800

1. Leaving later than I planned can lead to hitting rush hour traffic in a major city.
2. Relying solely on maps printed out from online, without a back up road atlas, can lead to getting lost for over 3 hours in the back woods of my destination.
3. Getting lost in the backwoods means that at every gas station that I stop at to ask for directions the number of teeth the person giving me directions has goes down directly with how far away I am from where I need to be.
4. It can begin to pour rain and only then do I realize that while my husband's car is great for road trips, the wipers are completely shot.
5. All of the above means that I arrive at my location well after midnight only to discover that there is no internet service to be found until morning.
6. I eat a sandwich and crawl into bed.
7. March daily posts are shot but I will continue anyway!

In other news:

It is gorgeous and sunny at the beach today, I have internet access now, and I may take a nap shortly. Life is so very good right now. Wish you were here!

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Sanity Beach here I come!

nobody@vox.com(Sabrina) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:23:05 -0800

What I have done today to prepare for leaving tomorrow for the beach:

1. Gone to work on no sleep. Only made it to a late January deposit. *Sigh* I love my job, but lately I feel very incompetent. I'm going to blame the weird weather, oh, and the flu. Definitely blaming the flu.
2. Cleaned my kitchen, dining room, the kids room (Including chasing out the dust mammoths under the beds, and rearranging the bookshelf so that the short ones would not get pummeled by books when they attempted to retrieve whatever favorite book was at the bottom of the horizontal pile. *Sigh*) and our bedroom.
3. Folded and hung all laundry that had been residing in baskets in our room.
4. Started a load of laundry that is 92% ALL MY CLOTHES!! I have no idea when the last time this ratio was achieved, but I know it's been a while because I don't own very many clothes. (As my poor friends can attest because they see my sorry ass in the same shirts and jeans ALL THE DAMN TIME. They put up with me though because I am cheap and until I lose the rest of my weight I'm not buying a bunch of damn clothes. [For those of you keeping score at home I have lost more than 50 pounds since June of 07. I have thirty odd pounds left to lose. These will undoubtedly be the hardest to lose.] My friends really love me. This most likely means that they are all crazy too.)
5. Realized that I am apparently in a caps mood.
6. Found my luggage for the trip tomorrow.
7. Tried on shorts for the first time in years and realize that out of 4 pairs that I own two of them no longer agree with the idea of staying up on my hips and are instead following gravity's sweet song to the ground. While I am happy about this type of clothing problem, it was potentially problematic until . . .
8. I checked the weather at the beach that I will be staying at: Sunny until I arrive, then cold accompanied by thunderstorms until the day I leave, of course, when it will be warm and sunny again. Happy 30th birthday to me! Sort of fitting for this year I suppose; driving home out of gorgeous weather on the Gulf of Mexico to come home to poop.

What I have not done to prepare for leaving tomorrow for the beach:

1. Pack.
2. Cleaned my office.
3. Any of the massive amounts of homework that were assigned to me over spring break; including my research paper on the creation of the Nation of Islam along with its rise (and its possible fall? I have no idea yet. The paper is due Monday and I haven't even begun. Yay for procrastination!!) in American politics.
4. Gone grocery shopping. Poor Frog will have to brave the grocery with both kids by himself. Think happy thoughts for him please.

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To do and accomplished:

nobody@vox.com(Sabrina) — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 15:56:31 -0800

1. Get haircut to prevent looking like sonic the hedgehog any longer. (DONE!)
2. Go to work and realize just how far behind I am since missing over a week because both of my kids and myself had the flu. (DONE!)
3. Reschedule counseling because I need to catch up some at work. (DONE!)
4. Start preparing for trip to the beach. (Still in progress.)
5. Apply to colleges that I want to attend and hope that they will accept me. (Yeah, still working on that.)
6. Have a house that smells like fecal matter because my son stuffed a formula one matchbox car down the upstairs toilet, which resulted in having to rip out the wall and the plumbing in the downstairs laundry room to dislodge said car. (DONE!)
7. Have brand new porcelain tile in downstairs bathroom covered in black water, which will mean bleaching the hell out of it tonight and having the tile installer come back tomorrow to check the damage instead of grouting the tile tonight. (DONE!)
8. Laugh to keep from crying. (DONE!)
9. Attempt to keep Bug from sticking her hand down my shirt as some sort of delayed reaction to being weaned under emergency circumstances a month ago. (Still working on that!)
10. Realize that there are positive aspects to all of this even though I have to look for them. (DONE!)

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Another bad.

nobody@vox.com(Sabrina) — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 15:48:13 -0800

Monday's list:

Revised list from Sunday:

1. Realize that sorting through my dead mother's belongings may be harder than I thought. Be proud of progress made so far. Stop for a little while.
2. Move the furniture? Yeah, it'll be a while until that happens.
3. Gloat about 94% grade on macroeconomics midterm.
4. ALL the laundry? Still working on it.
5. Take Bean to the allergist to be poked and prodded.

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Oh, it's the post button?

nobody@vox.com(Sabrina) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 15:44:52 -0800

and not the draft button? my bad.

Here's my post from Sunday:

List of items to finish around teh house today:

1. Finish going through mom's clothes and other items in her room. It shouldn't look like she just left for hospice anymore.
2. Move furniture upstairs to give Bug her own room.
3. Finish all laundry.
4. Clean kitchen and mop floor.

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March: Lists for MarBlo

nobody@vox.com(Sabrina) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 19:38:30 -0800

List of Items I saw at ChuckEHell tonight:

1. Smushed cupcakes. (not mine)
2. Children stealing smaller kids tickets out of the machines.
3. A very kind lady who retrieved my runaway 2 year old. (Holy crap I can't believe that Bug turned two today!!)
4. Some stressed parents, along with some totally oblivious parents.
5. A meltdown by Bean. (This was helped by the fact that he got up at 4:30 am, wouldn't take a nap today, and it was 8:30 before I could bodily remove him from the premises. He was asleep 10 minutes after we left.)
6. A two year old so hopped up on chocolate cake that she giggled about throwing her baby doll into the floorboard, repeatedly, all the way home.
7. A sixteen year old having a party consisting of no less than 20 of her friends at aforementioned ChuckEHell.
8. A husband who disappeared (albeit for a good reason) an hour before the party was over.
9. Really good friends who trucked out just to keep me and my kids company at said party.
10. Way too many people in one space with all the lights, and noise.

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QotD: That's the Worst

nobody@vox.com(Sabrina) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 19:31:47 -0800

What's the worst thing that could happen to you today? Bonus question: How would that thing potentially benefit you?

I could be struck by a bus.

Bonus: If I lived it would be fat money. :o)

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QotD: The Big Winner

nobody@vox.com(Sabrina) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:04:52 -0800

Have you ever won anything at a carnival, arcade or midway game?

Yes, several goldfish, along with many crappy redneck art prints, and tons of those big crappy toys. But it sure is kind of cool to win something, anything, isn't it?

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Attention.

nobody@vox.com(Sabrina) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:03:22 -0800

I think that positive attention is a good thing. I think that negative comments spoken behind someone's back are shitty. I wonder if other people feel more up to the their "A game" if they get some outside recognition for whatever it is they do.

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