Have you ever won anything at a carnival, arcade or midway game?
Yes, several goldfish, along with many crappy redneck art prints, and tons of those big crappy toys. But it sure is kind of cool to win something, anything, isn't it?
I think that positive attention is a good thing. I think that negative comments spoken behind someone's back are shitty. I wonder if other people feel more up to the their "A game" if they get some outside recognition for whatever it is they do.
I haven't posted because all I feel is a general exhaustion that comes in waves.
I fucking hate time changes!! Between Bean's 104.5 degree fever last night, Bug's new canines, and the time change, we all got somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 hours of sleep last night!! I was useless until I could crawl back into bed for a few hours. The kids varied at a level somewhere between hellspawn and a whiny kid in ToysRHell all day. We are fabulous parents though, check it . . . we fed them dinner early, bathed them, and put them down "early", although I can't fucking tell what goddamn time it is right now so I'm not a good judge of this, to try to make up for their sleep deprivation. Bean is still sound asleep. Bug woke up about 30 minutes ago and decided that this must have been her nap. Oy.
School is varying between making me batshit crazy and tolerable. I'm learning a lot and I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I know I'm blessed and all that to even be going to school, but really? A book assignment for every class? Every day? Not necessary, really and truly.
In the "I'm a crap friend" department: I called up a friend and basically begged to go to her house because I had such a bad day. Then I get home and have to deal with a screaming toddler who wouldn't go to sleep, a 4 year old who decided that he wouldn't sleep in his own bed, and Frog then told me that he was going to a meeting (which of course trumps everything else). So what did I do? Did I remember to call me friend during the chaos to explain that I would not be coming over? Nope. I laid down with my kids and fell asleep. At 7:30 p.m. On a Friday. I live a life of excitement people. Oh yes I do.
In other news: Frog informed me over the weekend that he thinks that I'm an alcoholic. I would say that if you look at when and how I drink you would not find an alcoholic but someone who is dealing with not being able to ever have a drink in her own house, someone who is still stuffing all the grief from her mother's death deep down (which seems to manifest itself in me getting really drunk about once every two months), and who isn't taking proper care of herself so she's letting loose at any point that she's able. I guess I could be a drunk though, it runs in my family just as strong as in Frog's. What about not taking other people's inventory though? Huh? Anyway, I still don't see anything wrong with getting a slight buzz on, or even getting drunk occasionally. Just because I have kids doesn't mean that I have to stop having any fun. Oh well, maybe I'm still taking too much of my self-worth from what he says still.
Working on training our dog Molly. It's going. She's a bright dog. She's also very sweet which is all that's saved her to date. Jed is still his lovable old self. Anyone want one mostly outside foster cat ( if you have a garage or shed that she can get her food and water in then she can stay outside forever!) that was supposed to be adopted out of here back in September?? She's not allowed in my house anymore because she's making my mom's old cat lose her hair. The foster cat is sooooo sweet, but she hates cats. She gets along great with dogs, go figure.
I sliced into my pinky finger tonight while preparing tilapia for dinner. It hurt like a bitch. I had to turn around and make myself be happy to give the kids a bath, do story time, and get them to bed. I'm more surprise than anyone but faking my way for the first ten minutes actually changed my viewpoint into a happier one!
I'm six writings behind in Lit/History as of this minute, and normally that would send me into a panic attack. But I'm just looking at the fact that I have read the material, and I've been very busy. It happens. And if that's the biggest thing that I haven't done right now then I'm looking really good.
I've only been doing a gratitude journal for a few days now, but it's already been working wonders on my attitude. It sounds really hokey, and I'm the first to admit that, but I'll be damned if it's not working for me!
I stopped by the 4 year university that I want to attend and I got great news about possible scholarships as well today.
I went and had the back part, and most scraggly section, of my dreadlocks tightened and interlocked today so I feel very presentable. I'm still getting weird long pieces of hair that are miraculously growing outside of the locks. My hairdresser and I figure it must be hair that was broken off and now that I'm not messing with my hair it's finally able to grow out. My hair grows so much faster now that it's locked that it's hard to believe. I'm average between 1 and 2 inches every 2 months now, and before I was lucky to put on 3 inches in a year. Yes, I said a year, and it's the truth too.
I've had a chance to look at the Jenny Mcar7hy thing on Orpah's show. If I had money, no school, and the access to what she has, then I'm sure my kid would coming along faster too. It's just apples and oranges to compare any celebrity kid to an average family's kid. I know single moms with kids with autism and they have it even worse than dual-parent households, because they have to work full-time, and find time to take their kid(s) to all the appointments, at least the ones covered by insurance, and not lose their jobs while doing it. Let old bubble boobs try any one of our lives for a week and I can bet you that there wouldn't be any miracles happening any time soon.
Also, here's my soapbox about this topic: people with autism are no different than people who have blue, or green, or hazel, or brown eyes. It's how they are born. Neurodiversity is what I'm talking about here people. I don't want to cure autism. I want to make sure that people who have autism can function healthily in our society. Sure, I would love to find out if there are environmental causes that can be prevented from causing autism, but that's to save the kids and adults the inevitable heartaches. I feel the same way about GLBT people. I wouldn't change one of them, because that's how they are made, but my heart breaks at the sorrows that many of them face merely because they were born into a minority.
I want true equality. Not equality meted out in tiny morsels by the patriarchy. I want true acceptance of all people. I'm not idealistic enough to think this will happen but, like a kid at their birthday, I can sure hope that I get the present I want.
Shingles on a biscuit, I fucked up today. I was so busy fixing router and network problems at Frog's office that I forgot to take Bean to his dental appointment! They even called, albeit two days ago, to remind me, so in the name of personal responsibility I have to suck up the blame. Then Frog and I forgot that the father-daughter luncheon at Bug's school was today. What is wrong with us? I am beginning to think that sheer exhaustion is a big factor in my latest series of screw-ups. In fact, I'm so tired that I don't even want to do my homework. That's not too unusual in and of itself, but that fact that I'm actually contemplating not doing it is strange for me. Normally just the thought of not being prepared breaks me out in hives, but I'm just so damn tired that it's hard to give a shit. Really, really, hard to care about Thomas Paine or my English comp paper. I also missed geography class, again, today because of the problems at Frog's office. I'm not too worried, but again I think it's just because my brain cannot process the normal anxiety that I experience. I need a sick day from life. Maybe two.
Who's the coolest culinary celebrity?
Without a doubt my vote is for Alton Brown!
I know that I lived a charmed life. I really do know that but sometimes it's very hard for me to see the forest for the trees. I am able to attend college. I am able to have a house. I have two very smart, very funny kids. I have a sober husband. I have the best friends a woman could ask for in life. I have two dogs who love me no matter what, and a cat who thinks that I'm really cool when I feed her.
I have a neighbor playing the fiddle in a perfect temperature evening while I sit on my porch. That's pretty fucking cool actually! Wow, they're pretty good. We live in a weird spot acoustically so I don't know which specific house it's coming from but I keep clapping after each song in hopes that they will hear me.
Back to what I was doing. See, I know all those things, but on days like today I can't seem to get out of my rut of negative thinking. I need to keep reading the top part to myself while I listen to my fiddle playing neighbor.
Bean got out of the bath tonight and immediately said "I have to poop mama!" This was uttered with an urgency usually reserved for times where you might think that you left the coffee pot on and you're already on a transcontinental flight! Next thing I know, he lets loose with a long, very bubbly sounding, fart and says "No I don't mama." I could not contain my laughter once he started laughing, and it is still making me smile! It gives new meaning to all farts are funny to somebody.
